


It Might Be Okay

by mansikka



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Acceptance, Episode Related, Family, M/M, Sad Nico
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 08:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18847246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Nico and Levi are watching a movie together in Levi's basement when footfall on the stairs makes Nico's heart start to race.





	It Might Be Okay

Nico's arm is still cold from Levi pitching forward to rest his elbows on his knees, where he is sobbing softly to himself as he stares at the screen. Nico isn't even really watching, only staring at the flashes of color that do nothing to change the fact that his patient is _dead_. That he _killed_ somebody. He can't keep going over this, can't keep thinking about all the small things he could have done different, or better, or even not done at all, because nothing can change what he's done. All he has now is this raging burning guilt that won't let go of him. Nico's not sure that it ever will.

Though dealing with all of this without Levi has been agonizing, and the only person he has to blame for that is himself. Levi has tried, so many times, and in so many different ways to reach out to him. Nico woke up this morning to an empty bed and with his heart pounding, determined he would get an apology in if Levi would hear it. No matter how many hospital halls he had to chase him down.

And now they're here, and Levi has given him the first peace he's felt in days. He hasn't pushed, or coddled, or tried to act like he understands. Instead, he's brought him here, to his own personal sanctuary. Without a word Levi led him straight to the couch and put on a movie that Nico is too numb to cry at despite how many times he has in the past. And as they've watched in silence, Levi has done nothing but lean into his side so Nico knows he is here with him. It's more than Nico feels like he deserves right now, but he'll take it. Nico thinks he might break altogether if he has to spend tonight alone.

"I heard My Girl playing… made you some soup."

Nico's heart feels like it might pound right out of his chest in fear as he quickly pulls his arm back from the edge of the couch and tugs pointlessly on his shirt. Where is he supposed to put his hands? Nico pastes on a smile feeling sick for anticipating rejection, or anger, or the feeling of Levi withdrawing from him. Levi only turns to look up the stairs as his mother steps down them and quickly wipes the tears from his eyes with a burst of self-deprecating laughter.

"Oh," she says in sweet, soft sympathy as Levi sits back properly, lowering a tray into his lap. "Tough week?"

She is so soft with him, Nico thinks as he watches. She gives a sweet smile and quick caress of Levi's cheek as she asks the inevitable, and Nico's insides curdle.

"Who's your friend?" she asks with a further kind smile for Nico that freezes the weak one on his face.

Levi turns to him; Nico desperately wants to read his expression, almost wants to beg him not to look away again for what that might mean. He can't take rejection today on top of everything else, he just can't.

"This is Nico," Levi says. Nico braces for a barrage of subterfuge and excuses as he says hello, pleading with his heart to stop racing like it is.

"He's actually my boyfriend," Levi adds. Mrs. Schmitt's face falls briefly; Nico is poised to run from the room. "And he's the one who's had a tough week."

Mrs. Schmitt looks at Nico with… _sympathy_. He smiles back, still not knowing what to do.

"We'll talk more later then," she tells Levi, as though this huge, monumental thing between them didn't just come out. As though this is the most normal, simple of conversations, and there is in fact no reason at all for Nico's heart to still be pounding in his chest.

"Yes."

"Alright then. Nico. Do you like chicken noodle soup?"

"Yes, ma'am," Nico blurts out; is she going to pour it into his lap?

"Well, then, this is for you," Mrs. Schmitt says, taking the tray from Levi's lap and sliding it over into Nico's.

"Oh. Thank you so much." The relief he feels makes Nico's voice tremble as he speaks. Nico is so lost and bewildered, that he isn't sure he knows what to do with his breath.

"Right. You enjoy," Mrs. Schmitt says, with another soft smile; this time for them both. She looks _happy_ for them, Nico thinks in a daze, and now everything is churning up inside him again with no outlet.

Levi watches her walk back up the stairs then sighs in relief, the only outward indication Nico can see that he was _nervous_ about this conversation. When Levi turns to look at Nico is when everything that has happened hits him right in the gut. Nico tries to hold on, tries not to break down like he has been danger of doing ever since that monitor announced its death knell. All he can do is look away from Levi, because that sweetness on his face is going to be his undoing.

It's already too late.

Nico grips the tray for something to do with his hands, half wanting to hold Levi in his arms, and half trying to shield himself from him.

"You're amazing," Nico whispers as the first of his tears burst from his eyes.

Without a word, Levi tucks himself back into his side resting his head against his shoulder. Nico drops his head against Levi's and is hit with the hardest mix of relief and grief he thinks he's ever felt. Levi doesn't flinch for the steady stream of tears that now won't stop falling and wick into his hair, seeming to know exactly how many seconds Nico will allow himself before he's trying to hold it all in again.

"This tastes much better hot," Levi says, reaching across to tap at the bowl of soup. "Mom's soup cures all ills. I promise."

Nico doesn't think he could even swallow a mouthful. But on autopilot when Levi moves to give him room, he takes up the spoon and forces some into his mouth. The soup is, of course, perfect, and for a second Nico is transported back to his own family kitchen, sitting at the island as his mom feeds him soup, also hoping to soothe his heart.

Levi nods in encouragement when Nico is brave enough to look at him, not breaking eye contact as he reaches for the glass of water and takes a sip. So Nico keeps eating, pressing his thigh more firmly against Levi's needing the anchor of his warmth beside him, until the bowl is empty.

Levi smiles in reward, carefully taking the tray to lower to the floor. He turns more towards him, still with the utmost of patience waiting for Nico to make a move.

"I love you," Nico blurts out, cracked and broken as he crushes Levi to him, gripping on tight as he lets himself cry harder into his neck. Levi's fingers are through his hair, one hand pressed flat on his back with a thumb swirling a soothing circle.

"I love you too," Levi tells him.

It's going to take a while. But in the warmth of Levi's embrace, Nico begins to believe he might be okay.


End file.
